I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
