Betty ford says i'm here all night
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
