Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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