WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His hands were made for my vagina.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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