If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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