Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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