Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
