Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
