i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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