I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
