she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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