Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
