Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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