I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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