hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
