The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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