Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
