Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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