When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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