i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
