Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
