im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
