Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
