hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
