I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
