I'm really into asian looking animals
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it's like heaven, but drunker
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
