So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
