A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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