does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
