your thong is hanging out like whoa
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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