he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
