ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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