mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
