Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
