He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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