i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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