I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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