He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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