My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He passed out mid-signature
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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