I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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