Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
