Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
