If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
