No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
