We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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