He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wish there were birth control emojis
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
