My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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