Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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