i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
