he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
