Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What drink are we having for lunch?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
