i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
